is it just me,

or is this blogging business a bit time consuming.
what with scratchcards, soap operas and facebook, there's hardly enough hours in the day.

what's in a name?

i grew up surrounded by animals. my mum used to do rescue work for a local animal charity so we were forever taking in waifs and strays. at one point we had four dogs, seven cats, a parrot, a rabbit and an aquarium full of terrapins of our own plus, at up to 6 fostered dogs or cats. among the refugees i remember most are ellie, who as the joke might have gone, had no nose, just a big red gaping hole where her nose was. she was so delighted by affection it makes me feel teary just to think of her. then there was benji who had erm, a taste dog poo, ideally his own.
anyway. one of the permanent members of the Short menagerie was Tina, an alsation cross. i loved that dog! she used to make a cock-a-doodle-do noise when i would come home. one day i came home (from overseas where i was living) and started calling Tina only to be told by an upset-looking mother that Tina had had to be put down. THREE MONTHS BEFORE! but that's a different matter. the reason i bring up Tina (RIP) is that i have noticed that loads of people have animals with human names. a friend of my sister's has a cat called Nigel, while Kirsten Dunst has a cat called Cat Stevens. i've heard of a dog called Graham and even a hamster called Peter. the queen's favourite corgi was called Susan, which, for some reason really tickles me.
so, when, i wonder, will the trend for giving pet names to children begin. after the Alfies, Ameilias, Jacks and all surely it's only a matter of time before Shebas start appearing on the registers, or Smokys, Tabbys, Rockys, and Ladys (yes, i know i've misspelt the plurals, innit).
if i had a child i would definitely call it Scooby if it was a boy and Lassie if it was a girl.

in short

when people first started writing LOL in emails and on facebook (yes, i'm STILL on facebook, surely it's now so out of fashion that it is back in again) i thought they were sending me Lots of Love. Instead, of course, they mean Laugh Out Loud. which may or may not be the case depending on how amusing the thing they are talking about is.
I'm pioneering a new lot of abbreviations. I hope you like them:
STM - smirk to myself
GAB - giggle a bit
STMOWIJSE - spit the mouthful of water I'd just sipped everywhere
my favourite though is
SMP - shit my pants.
something does have to be bloody funny to get that, of course, and, for those things that really are beyond hilarious
SFIHAHAAHJRFH - so funny i had a heart attack and have just returned from hospital

don't forget to email now!

come into the garden, fraud

My shed is black. now, i know it sounds like a goth rock classic but it's actually how i spent my weekend. my friend veronica, who works on a gardening mag, so knows about these things pointed out recently that the orange monstrosity at the end of the garden would be slightly less conspicuous if it were a darker shade. i wasn't sure but she showed me lots of pics of black and grey sheds and i have to admit she was right.
an aside about Veronica. as part of her gardening magazine life she gets to do loads of makeovers. her mum's garden, once an unloved wasteland is now, apparently, a verdant vision. imagine how excited i was then when she offered to 'do something' to my own back yard, which, when we moved in looked like a cross between an abandoned football field (home team The Diddy Men) and a refugee camp (that shed has delusions of Alpine Lodgery). so, i give her the brief - anything goes, a patio if poss and some nice flower beds. and soon enough, my makeover arrives. IN THE POST! basically it's a sheet of tracing paper with line drawings of plants etc on it. when laid over the photograph i supplied for Veronica to work on, it gives you an idea of what my makeover garden might look like! hilarious.
not.
Veronica came close to trumping this the other day when she informed another friend, who has spent the past eight years cultivating a gorgeous urban oasis that 'you could really do something with this'. how we laughed.
not.
anyway, back to my shed. it's now black and much less conspicuous than before. providing of course that you are only looking at it from the house. if you are in the garden and catch it from the wrong angle you can see that i was too lazy to paint the side!
you can hardly blame me: it took 3 coats and i had claw-hand-cramp before i'd even finished half of the first one!
i'm logging off now as my machine is doing that really annoying thing where i type but nothing appears on the screen, then suddenly a whole bunch of letters turn up at once. like buses. or a telex.