speedy gonzales

i came to work today in (or on?) my heelies.
you know – those fantastic trainer/shoe things that have wheels hidden in the heels. you just tilt yourself backwards a bit and the wheels cleverly engage and you begin to whizz along, almost as if you are floating.
so, i got here in super-quick time and was only called a prat once by some miserable fxcker i had to grab hold of when i nearly went 'whizzing' under a number 9 bus that i hadn't seen as i was too busy singing my heart out to 'love will tear us apart' (the Paul Young version, of course).
so then i get to work and go through the post. among which is a catalogue for kid's wear, including a rather fetching dress with a huge strawberry on the front. now, i know what you're thinking and you are wrong - dresses are a bit too grayson perry for me. but i did start to think about scratch and sniff clothes.
how nice to have a floral-print shirt that smells of roses when you scratched it. or an apple print skirt that gives off granny smith-esque odours (rather than granny short).
you could even have a creased up old t-shirt that smells of booze and stale fags when you frotted it - great for those mornings when you've forgotten to get hungover!
and you wonder why i don't write more often!