is it serious?

I either have an earache, a toothache or a brain tumour.
Either that or I am having a stroke.
I keep getting shooting pains in the side of my head, and when I touch my hair it hurts.
My hair is tender! That, surely, can't be right.
Of course I could have just slept badly and squashed my ear or something.
I've not been sleeping very well of late (thanks for asking).
I think the fact that my bed has taken to creaking like it's auditioning for the part of Freddie's house in Nightmare on Elm Street might have something to do with it – every time I turn over it makes a noise that should be followed by some hideous ghoul rising from the dead.
I've also taken to wearing one of those beyond-camp eye masks (in the absense of anyone offering to fund my black-out eyeshadow) as my room is so light, so I wake up not only feeling frazzled but with charming indentations around the top of my head, like I've had an over-enthusiastic lobotomy.
Light a candle for me…