no, you hang up!

we once did some research for a magazine i used to work on. questionairres were put into an issue and readers completed them and sent them back.
my favourite response came from Darren in Clapham (unfortunately he didn't put his last name or address – he would definitely have won the prize we were offering for his efforts).
Darren had personally scrawled all over the questionairre – which had a photo of me and a letter encouraging people to answer.
As well as calling me a 'dickhead' and saying that as a result of reading the magazine he had contemplated suicide (no, really) he described me as an 'overpaid arsewipe ponce who speaks too loudly on his mobile in restaurants'.
which is, as i am sure you will agree, just priceless.
i was reminded of Dazza this morning as i sat in cafe nero trying to enjoy some me time with my cappuccino. i was unable to concentrate on my Metro because there was a young lady a few tables away droning on and on on her mobile phone in a voice which can only be described as too f-ing loud.
her conversation involved her 1. boss 2. flatmate 3. outfit for Friday night.
if there were a nobel prize for conversation, let's just say she wouldn't make the longlist.
i wasn't the only one on whose nerves she was getting – if looks could kill the woman opposite her would now be on the run!
needless to say no one did anything about it - we just sat there glowering. i'm sure if Darren had been around he would have shouted something suitably witty and cutting and she would have hung up immediately.
but it was most annoying.
and while were on the subject of irritating phone behaviour: how annoying is it when someone cold calls you during your lunchbreak!