my schooldays were not, as the old adage would have it, the happiest days of my life. i was fat, effeminate, wore beer bottle glasses and, apparently, had a posh accent (in common as muck suburbia) – go figure.
report days were particularly grim. i remember the dread of turning the blue cover to reveal the opening page, which included not only comments from the Head and Head of year but also number of days absent. This figure was always alarmingly high and always needed adjusting. I'm not sure why but my parents never questioned the fact that term after term, whoever was responsible for totting up our days off never got it right first time.
my favourite quote (and believe me, there were many from which to choose) from one of my end of term roundups came courtesy of my games teacher. Not only did he give me an E for effort and an E for attainment, he added 'Steven has made steady progress this year despite his obvious lack of coordination'. Obvious lack of coordination! Now there's a euphemism for you.
Anyway, I was reminded of these comments the other day when I lost a game of bowling. Not only was I beaten by my sister and her boyfriend (he's a footballer and cricketer so more 'sporty' than me) but by my other half, who had never picked up a bowling ball in his life! It seems you can take the boy out of Northolt… I definitely deserved more than an E for effort though