beak this!

when i was seven we 'upgraded', as estate agents would have it. basically we moved from a three bedroom house to a four bedroom semi (which, incidentally cost a staggering £11,000!). as a moving in present my dad gave my mum Susuku. an African grey parrot. he was slightly scary at first but we soon came to love him. he was soon talking – saying things like Suku (which is apparently Swahili for parrot), silly bird and come on Jan (my mum's name).
he also learned the name of Cecil (one of our hundreds of cats) and Daddy Mick (our grandad) and would scream them whenever they appeared.
and he developed the infuriating habit of hanging upside down from the roof of his cage and yanking his wing out, causing him enough pain to scream in the most hideously ear-piercing manner whenever he wanted to be let out. Thirty three years later he still hasn't realised that he could perhaps make the same noise without actually hanging upside down.
anyway, about seven years ago, Suku started behaving a bit oddly: he got a bit stroppy and quiet and wouldn't shxt in his cage, saving mega 'whoopsies' (that's my mum's expression, not mine) for the second he was let out.
Then one day mum came down from bed in the morning to find that Suku had laid an egg! Yep, after 25 years we found out that he was a she – we only thought he was male because the vet told us.
anyway, he (I can't bring myself to change his gender) has laid three eggs since. well, now four, actually because yesterday my mum rang me. 'Oh Steve, I'm so excited. Suku laid and egg. Oh, and I've won an iPod touch!'.
The egg will be stored with the other 'emissions' (in a pot next to the spare bed), the iPod touch is being delivered tomorrow.
'It was from a raffle for the local paper. I won first page,' explained Mum. 'I'm so excited. They are bringing it tomorrow and want to take a picture of me with it!'
That's great, I say. The conversation carries on in this manner for a bit before Mum asks: 'Steve, what is an iPod touch?'
Bless