send in the clown

I was late home yesterday due to a 'person under a train'. When this was announced I couldn't help but picture someone hiding beneath a carriage, refusing to come out, or perhaps playing some weird game of hide and seek. Then I found myself thinking what it would be like to be a 'person under a train'. Presumably hideously painful, and potentially most undignified – obliteration isn't always achieved, apparently. What kind of thoughts go through people's minds as the death train speeds towards them? And how many potential people under trains lose their nerve at the last minute. When I finally got home I tried on my clown outfit – which I know sounds like something from a surrealist poem but is actually true, the outfit in question is for our work Christmas party. They are always fancy dress, which I hate, but that's another rant entirely. The cat was pretty freaked out by the costume – particularly the rubber mask, from behind which I was making pervy breathing noises (unintentionally).
Then I found myself wondering what the announcer would say if I went to the Tube and flung myself in the path of an oncoming tube in my party outfit!