tempted...

from what i can gather my grandparents had a tricky sexual relationship. grandad was an ever-ready, eager beaver, hot blooded male while my grandma would have given queen victoria a run for her money in the prudy stakes. he couldn't get enough, for her once a year was a bit too often.
for gran, 'the deed' was something you did with the lights out, under the sheets and duress (which i do believe is an example of a zeugma, if you don't mind) and commited as infrequently as is humanly possible – in the case of my grandparents i know this to be at least three, as that's the number of offspring they produced.
whenever sex was mentioned in public or an innuendo dolled out over Sunday lunch - as they frequently were: our home life was one long carry on movie, Nan would roll her eyes and mutter something about it being 'dirty' or the person making the crude remark being a 'dirty bugger'.
which makes her choice of perfume all the more bizarre. for years and years whenever i asked my gran what she would like for christmas she would always request the same thing: a bottle of Just Musk (which is so 70s sounding it has just reminded me of that Pat Coombes advert for Tweed which concluded with her declaring 'shouldn't be allowed!'). So, a bottle of Just Musk would be bought, and for the next year Nan would wear it as her daily smell. she would run around the house with a hoover (i've never known anyone do so much house work) leaving a musky trail behind her, while my grandad would sit ogling page 3 of a certain newspapers for hours, steam of frustration almost coming out of his ears.
I am laying in bed (Saturday morning, no work, no gym, cup of coffee, radio 4, heaven) reading Men's Health and I have just discovered that musk, (even synthetic – it no longer uses secretions from antlers or wherever it used to come from) is a 'heady aphrodisiac, sure to signal sexual interest and stimulate the same in others'.
if only someone had told my gran this years ago she could have saved herself so many headaches!
if only she'd asked for Charlie instead our Sunday lunches might actually have been pleasant affairs!