off the rails

so, on Saturday I am on the Tube on my way to Liverpool Street to catch the 1pm to Ipswich (to give a bit of light and shade to the story). Tube is absolutely heaving. We are crammed in like cattle, like the rush hour never happened and I get a whiff of this really musty/charity shoppe smell. 'What the hell is that?' I wonder to myself. And suddenly I realise: IT'S ME! I'd taken an old coat out of a musty old chartiy shoppe-esque cupboard at home and not aired it. That'll learn me, as many people would incorrectly have it.
fortunately my journey was short and I soon had an experience at Liverpool Street that had me thinking nicer thoughts (even if my coat still hummed). Waiting for my train platform to be announced I caught sight of a doddery old granddad nearby (in a coat that was probably related to mine) obviously looking for someone. The I caught sight of another doddery old geezer, and suddenly they spotted each other and their faces totally lit up. The hobbled over to each other and gave each other a really big heartfelt hug before pottering off. It warmed, as the expression would have it, the cockles.
So lovely weekend in Ipswich. On Sunday morning, my mate Marta and I popped in to TX Maxx to see if we could find her a new coat. After several announcements that the store would be marking DDay by two minutes silence in remembrance of those who gave their lives in WW1 an eery hush descended upon the place as, indeed the music went off and myself and my fellow shoppers all stopped talking. It was a nice moment of solidarity and quiet until suddenly it was shattered by two oiks strolling into the store announcing 'I just want to look at the f-ing jeans', which they then did, commenting on each pair. 'Ninety quid!' gasped the girl. 'I ain't paying that!' replied the boy. 'What colour do you want?' she asked him. 'Yellow,' he replied. You couldn't make it up. Well, I could but you couldn't. But I didn't.
Anyway, I've got to go now as I've got a bogey stuck between my teeth. OK, I made that up!